Yep, it's been a minute, but I'm back. No, it wasn't some fancy vacation or emergency that pulled me away. It was a bout of what I think of as "Book Release Postpartum Blues" related to my alter ego releasing Boo! last month. What's that, you ask? Well, it is the self-publisher's mental reaction to the turmoil of sending a new book out into the world. I have heard that it can also afflict the traditionally published and all other types of creatives when they finish a project that is close to their heart or has occupied a large amount of their time and effort.
Symptoms are wide and varied. Mine typically begin with an extreme feeling of relief that I have finally reached the "finish line" with the project. This feeling is catastrophically short lived because of the realization that I'm now responsible for the book's existence in the world. That means I need to work on promotion...which is not my strong suit. That thought leads to second guessing every single aspect of the book. The downward spiral begins there and goes something like this: Could I have worked harder on the illustrations? Maybe I should have used watercolors...or bit the bullet and gone with strictly digital art. I mean, that's all the rage these days and it does provide a smoother image, doesn't it? Why do I even attempt hand drawn art anymore? Why do I draw/paint/etc. at all? I mean, look at all those people out there with so much more talent than I have. There's no way I can compete with that! Is the cover going to attract any good attention? Is it cute enough? Will parents pass it over because it's not (insert adjective here) enough? Will kids see it and move on to something brighter, or scarier (since it's a ghost story)? Why didn't I (insert any number of ideas here...then insert a few more)? Are people secretly laughing over my attempt to share my work? Will they even notice? How many eye rolls are currently taking place because I am taking up valuable space on their social media news feeds with book announcements that are delaying their ability to connect to cat videos and political mayhem? I'm just clogging up the works with another pain in the butt "buy me" thing to scroll past. Heck, did the algorithm detect the post and just squash it from the get-go because "how dare I? not inject money into their ad creator?" Why do I do this? It's never going to get me anywhere. (Insert anyone's name who ever said anything even mildly negative about my art/writing) always said I was going to be a huge flop and that I'd be lucky to sell my work for pocket change. I should just stop trying. This writing thing is a pointless waste of my time. I need to take up cleaning as my hobby. That at least would produce some real, tangible results. We could convert my office into a guest room - that no one will ever use - after I get rid of all this crap that I have crammed in here. I could give it all to some actual artist who deserves to be able to use it... ...and so on. Ugly, isn't it? Ugly, self-sabotaging, and not nearly as true as it sounds when it's bouncing around in my head. It also takes a little while to wrestle into submission. I've learned to take a necessary break once the spiral begins. I've also learned to just let the nonsense yammer itself out while I do other things. The self-doubt will pass. The love of what I do will shine through all of those dark and nasty mental storm clouds. It's just a matter of time, and a need to not take the awful thoughts running around in my brain too seriously. They are only warty little anxiety gremlins in golf cleats trying to ruin my joy, and they'll tire themselves out before long. That creative well inside me is busy filling back up while the storm rages. Once it's past, I'll have a lot more inspiration to draw from. I'm nearing the end of all of the emotional shenanigans now, and more than a little happy that it's only taken a couple of weeks. I feel rested from the break, and things around the house have benefited from my "time off". I've started writing again, and I've been getting ready to start on a long overdue piece of art for a friend. In other words, life is good. I hope yours is, too.
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AuthorJosie Dorans Archives
June 2022
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